The reason why you don’t find soulful writings containing a light, happy feeling is because people only write the things that hurt. They do write other things, but mainly the ones that overwhelmed them–the ones that left a strong feeling of wanting to be heard, a strong desire to stop their suffering in one way or another.
The reason why you don’t find good advice talking to people is because they still struggle on their own. They still couldn’t find the right position in their own shoes, so you better not expect them to put themselves in yours. Because in the end, we are only left with our own shoes– we don’t get to share as we walk along the pathway.
The reason why people don’t stop caring for you even after being mistreated is because being hurt is not that simple. You don’t just hate someone that easily–people are an ocean of emotions. One wave crashing won’t simply stop other waves from coming–won’t simply stop the ocean from flaring up.
The reason why a heart is never satisfied is because expectations are hard to kill. Scenarios made are scenarios broken. A story ends, but it never really does. That’s how humans are–that’s the thing about satisfaction : they are never really whole.
The reason why we want to live our life to the fullest while we’re young is because we are all afraid of withering. Someday, somewhere–we don’t know how, but eventually we will all wrinkle up, and it all would be of no meaning. We are afraid of leaving no mark where we had been, or where we had not been. We are afraid of being just someone, because the future is such a fearful sight to see.
The reason why we love is because it is so different from any other feelings. Like hate, it can make you whoever. It can change you from a cold stone to a sweet candy in just a few words, in just a few whisper of breath. Only it makes us feel so much better than hate–because the feeling is justified. Because you can love someone and go out of your way to chase the butterflies, but cannot hate someone and go out of your way to chase the flames.
The reason why people can be so faithful is because they have little pieces to hold on to–not necessarily about the person or the thing they are faithful to. Sometimes it is about the small feelings–the smell of coffee that day, the rain, the glance we stole at something at the same place and how they leave marks in our minds. We all long to feel them all over again, and we feel that it won’t work if we let go–that we have to hold on to the rope, no matter how loose we are holding it, so we don’t lose track to what we long to feel.
The reason why people can be unfaithful is because they feel like they are holding on to the wrong feeling. Because they bought a sheep to discover that it is actually a lion–and it does not even have to be that extreme, it might just be a goat, but still, it is not a sheep. From the very beginning, they stepped on the wrong stone–they just haven’t found the courage to step back or jump to the river, or to just admit it. Because if they fail for the second time, they would still have something to hold on to–no matter how wrong it feels, they wouldn’t be completely alone.
The reason why people repeat the same mistake over and over again is either because they didn’t know–they didn’t understand what it really takes to change. Because they believe it is not that big of a change and by taking a small leap, they could just change… like how it usually is, but they could not. They didn’t know they haven’t changed the important bit–the crucial part. Or, because they have yet to find the essence of fixing the mistakes they have done. Because they can’t find a light where they can actually see what they did as a mistake–and not because people tell them it is one.
The reason why people lie despite not having to is because a lie is not as overrated as people like to think it is. Because it really is not such a big deal, and people only talk about big lies. That’s how we are taught to think–indirectly, in such beautiful manners… in poems, in music. That small lies are not lies, they are tools–to find a way out, to seek something, to protect something–to do the things that are more important to them.
The reason why I’m writing this is because I want to understand why–because I want to justify, who knows? I, too, hurt. And I, too, want to know why. I have a lot of questions in my mind, a lot of voices wanting to be heard. I, too, am human. I, too, want to seek answers for what I’ve been asking myself this whole time.
These are the reasons why.