[UPDATE #1] Facts about Me

Howdy! Long time no see!

… or not. Okay, I know I just posted something like… three days ago, but when I said ‘long time no see’ I really mean long time no greet(?) without any formal intentions to post something–uh, see, I think I’ve lost all my English abilities after not showing up in forever, but oh well…

So, I was looking through my old posts and came across this particular post, in which I kinda wrote 200… facts–uh, more like… pop things–about me.

Okay, lies. I actually have been searching for it and reading it all over again like a thousand times in this past 3 months but that sounds like what a maniac would do so yeah. Anyway, it was freaking weird and super awkward but don’t get me wrong, I WOULD LIKE TO THANK WHOEVER REQUESTED THAT SHIT TO ME BECAUSE I FREAKING LOVE IT.

Like, yeah, I know, some of the ‘facts’ are super cringy (and hey, I just knew that cringy is not a word apparently??) but it’s always fun to see how you used to see yourself and how you used to describe the fucking mess you were. Like nearly three-fourth of the ‘facts’ I listed down aren’t even facts anymore, because it’s freaking pop culture and I totally know that, and that’s exactly the point!

Years ago when I wrote that post, I didn’t realize it, but now I do. And I wanna do it all over again because three years from now I would probably have nothing to do and my life would probably be another boring piece of crap so I do think I have the responsibility to entertain my future self yeah thank me for that. Well, of course there is a possibility that my life would be lit as well, but I don’t wanna bet too much.

These facts I’m going to write are current facts about me–February 13, 2018, still alive. It would be different from the past facts I wrote, mainly because I’m going to skip the trivial facts like where I was born etc (it was on the other post) and I’m going to write in English. Why? Because aku sudah lama tidak  saya udah lama nggak  saya nggak tahu gimana nulis biar nggak aneh  Tuhan tahu kapan terakhir kali saya Tuhan mengerti OKAY NOW YOU SEE THE POINT. SUPER CRINGE. I haven’t been writing in Indonesian for God-knows-how-long, so yea.

Nobody requested me to write these facts. Heck, nobody even checks my blog anymore, so I’m purely writing this for myself, and if by chance you think this might entertain you as well, then go ahead and read it, though I don’t promise you much and I don’t know what I would actually write and WHY THE HECK IS MY INTRO 8 PARAGRAPHS LONG GODDAMN IT FIVE YEARS OF BLOGGING AND I STILL DON’T KNOW HOW TO WRITE EFFECTIVELY WTF

Okay, calm down. Let’s just… end this chitchat.

Without further swearing, here they are, facts about me! *thunder claps* *okay my blog is too deserted for that*

  1. I am currently a last year student in SMA Regina Pacis.
  2. Barely surviving there but I managed to make people think I’m fine (well, AMEN FOR THAT, PEEPS).
  3. During these past three years, I’ve lost weight, not so much but I also became a wee bit taller, so I’m not as elephant-y as I was when I wrote the other 200 facts about me.
  4. But I look more tired and more beaten up because I am more tired and more beaten up.
  5. During these past three years I also got acne problems so I have a face full of acne scars now, have been better the last few months, hopefully it means that I’m healing AMEN.
  6. I still can’t decide which religion I belong to, but it’s either Christian or Catholic. Don’t worry, I will decide. Not now, though. There is still a long way to go.
  8. Lately I’m kinda into poetry besides prose, and I’ve been writing so many poems because they are a lot easier to finish than stories.
  9. But I still want to finish a book so bad.
  10. I like talking.
  11. I’m a bad friend, and I have difficulties here and there in terms of friendship. Like I don’t know how to show sympathy because sometimes I also don’t know how to put myself in others’ shoes, and I also don’t know how to make others feel wanted.
  12. I wanna be a good friend.
  13. Why the heck did this turn so serious I don’t like serious
  14. But I’m serious in relationships, though you can’t have one with me now because I’m not available lmaooo
  15. I have a dog now despite being afraid of dogs in the past,. My dog is a female. Originally named Alexa, but I changed it because it sounds too human for a dog, and I don’t like it (also, would be too hard to call), so now she’s named Almond Skittle.
  16. She has an Instagram account!! Which is @almondskittle go follow her! (which really means go follow me but whatever)
  17. Anyway go follow me I’m @cinhtw now on Instagram and this is number 17 which is one of my favorite numbers so I guess this means something
  18. I’m still a trash for good numbers I still take screenshots when the clock shows 11.11 or 12.00 etc and take photos when the kilometers on a car show a certain good number like 22222 yeh call me a freak for that
  19. I’m still a trash for new sheets of money as well like I would not use my new sheet of money even if it’s just Rp1000,- In fact, I would rather use my new Rp100.000,- than my new Rp1000,- BECAUSE HECK I CAN FIND A NEW SHEET OF 100000 ANYWHERE BUT NOT 1000. So when I say “I don’t have any money left” I really mean I DON’T HAVE ANY MORE SHEETS OF UGLY MONEY LEFT YOU HEAR ME
  20. I don’t know what my life would be without Uber because I still find it uncomfortable to ask my friends for a ride home or anywhere basically.
  21. I have taken parts in several books, like 3, but the third one won’t be published, I guess? Because my school is stingy af and won’t appreciate writers since they’re not a choir, or a group of chemistry olympiad winning students, or whatever. But I didn’t write good for that third book, so I guess I didn’t write at all:)
  22. I have a bucketlist now.
  23. I made a video for my future self, and I have it stored somewhere safe. Hopefully I don’t forget about it later.
  24. Because I’m so friggin forgetful and clumsy like ??!
  25. I am the leader of my school’s Yearbook Committee this year, I’ll probably share some photos of it later when it’s already in my hands!
  26. I’m a shitty photographer.
  27. I’m a messy piece of trash. You won’t find my desk organized and if you do, it means you’re probably looking at the wrong desk. Try the one beside it.
  28. I like Christmas because I’m also a basic piece of trash so I like mainstream things.
  29. No really, I like Christmas because of the rainy season it’s in, and because I used to do a lot of fun things on Christmas during my childhood, so it’s more like a nostalgic feeling.
  30. I figured out Santa wasn’t real when I was like 9 or so, I woke up in the middle of the night and eavesdropped on my parents talking about what present ‘Santa’ should give me that year, since I was grown already and dolls wouldn’t please me.
  31. I still can’t ride a bike up till now.
  32. And I still can’t drive a car, but I’m planning to learn driving in a few months.
  33. Yellow is officially my favorite color now and I don’t have a thing for blue anymore. I mean, I like it, but not as much as yellow. And I also like several other colors like red, maroon, and white now.
  34. I’m not a good poser.
  35. I’m good at acting, though, have I mentioned it?
  36. I’m a good liar if you don’t know me enough, but if you do, I’m a shitty one.
  37. I’m bad at common sense.
  38. I still hate carrots and pear.
  39. I have an insane amount of hair on my arms would you believe me
  40. Also legs
  41. And yes I have no shame at all
  42. I dislike my own autograph, but I can’t change it because I don’t do good autographs.
  43. I made covers of some songs, but I don’t share them, or at least, I haven’t shared them yet. Because I find it weird to post a video with a black, blank background, so yeah. (SO YEAH IF ANY OF YOU WOULD VOLUNTEER TO MAKE ME A VIDEO I WOULD GLADLY THANK YOU)
  44. All these years and I still sing Alto.
  45. I’m no longer a K-pop trash anymore, since I don’t have it in me to follow new songs each time they are released, so now I’m a pop songs trash because like I said, I’m v basic and I have 0 intention of changing it by forcing my taste of music like some people do because I prefer being unique in other fields instead thank you.
  46. I’m still not so much into movies and now I have a new weirdness which is I get dizzy when I watch action movies so don’t invite me to watch Jackie Chan I would probably go but I would 10/10 put on that sour face from the beginning of the movie to the end… of the hangout. So yeah you go try.
  47. I don’t do hotpants as much as I did in the past because… well, no reason?
  48. I still don’t do sleeveless.
  49. I like skirts now. I prefer skirts than pants sometimes.
  50. My myopia is getting worse it’s now -10 diopters on my right eye and -8 on my left. Also my astigmatism but I don’t know exactly how much on each eye, only that they’re both around 3.
  51. I used to not sleep with a blanket but I can’t live without it now.
  52. I don’t like horizontally sliding my phone’s home screen so you would find my phone simple at any given time because I pack the apps into folders so they fit in one screen.
  53. I don’t like taking photos or recording videos, especially using my own phone, so if I volunteer to take a photo with you with my phone, then you should know that you’re special as heck.
  54. I still like cheese and I’m not giving up on it. EVER.
  55. I’m somewhat a picky eater, I guess?
  56. But I do like a wide range of food, just that I don’t eat some ingredients like tomatoes in a soup, carrots, veggies in a meatball bowl, so do you count that as being picky? Idk really
  57. I can sleep with both the lights on and off, but I do prefer it being off.
  58. I go to the toilet rather often. I pee two times for every 400 ml of water I drink, like ??!??
  59. I wear braces now, but I’m gonna take them off in a few months.
  60. I don’t like too many pillows or dolls, but I do like hugs. But like… not so much.
  61. I can’t possess too many things, like I definitely can’t own more than one phone. The other one’s probably gonna be neglected.
  62. I don’t even open my phone much for chats anymore.
  63. I get sad on my own kinda often.
  64. I no longer fangirl about anything anymore.
  65. I’m planning to reactivate my blog, but not for stats anymore, more for myself.


SO IT’S OFFICIAL THAT MY INTRO IS LONGER THAN THE ACTUAL POST BUT IT’S OKAY I TRIED. I haven’t written crap like this in forever so I’m not blaming myself (wait, what). I can’t write any more, so I guess I’m gonna end this random post here. See ya in different occasions!


The Reasons Why

The reason why you don’t find soulful writings containing a light, happy feeling is because people only write the things that hurt. They do write other things, but mainly the ones that overwhelmed them–the ones that left a strong feeling of wanting to be heard, a strong desire to stop their suffering in one way or another.

The reason why Continue reading

Sedang Menulis…

Hari ini, aku ingin menulis.

Rintik hujan beradu genting di luar membasahi jendela dengan tetes-tetes air yang berlomba-lomba mengalir turun, dan udara dingin mengisi kekosongan yang tercipta akibat kesendirian. Bau karat bingkai jendela yang sudah lama bercampur dengan bau tanah yang basah oleh tangisan langit. Sunyi membentengi sore mendung itu. Suara tawa, barangkali hanya dalam imajinasiku saja.

Aku bukan penulis.

Tidak, bukan itu yang ingin kutulis. Continue reading

[CHAPTER ONE] The Missing Light : Smoke, Cards, and Everything Red

BIAR kumulai cerita ini dengan sesuatu yang membosankan : bunyi decitan spidol di papan tulis itu warnanya biru seperti lautan, dan bunyi dentang jam setiap satu jam berlalu itu warnanya merah seperti darah.

Ya, ya, aku tahu. Aku memang terdengar seperti sedang melantur, tetapi hal semacam ini—hal-hal konyol yang tidak dipahami orang-orang—sudah menjadi makanan sehari-hari bagiku.

Namaku Continue reading

The Accident That Night

Copyright © 2017 by Cindy Handoko

Rintik hujan terus turun dengan deras, membasahi jalan perumahan utama kota yang baru saja selesai diaspal tiga hari yang lalu. Bunyi guyuran air yang menghantam atap-atap rumah dua tingkat yang berderet di sepanjang jalan turut mengeruhkan suasana malam itu. Sirene polisi meraung-raung di kejauhan. Mobil-mobil berderet di sisi kiri jalan, seperti mengantre di belakang garis polisi yang dipasang melintang, ditinggalkan oleh para pemiliknya yang penasaran akan huru-hara yang sedang terjadi.

Continue reading

[PROLOGUE] The Missing Light

Copyright © 2017 by Cindy Handoko

SEGALA sesuatu terasa biasa.

Gelapnya cakrawala yang dibalut awan mendung tanpa bintang, embusan angin malam yang membawa hawa dingin menusuk tulang, bunyi gemeresik daun yang sesekali terdengar di kejauhan, bau harum samar-samar bunga bugenvil yang baru saja mekar, lorong-lorong sekolah yang remang-remang, kesunyian malam, bunyi dentang jam setiap satu jam sekali—semuanya, semuanya terasa biasa.

Barangkali ada sesuatu yang berbeda malam itu—bukankah biasanya, hal-hal yang nampak wajar menyimpan rahasia yang luar biasa di baliknya? Continue reading

[POEM #14]

The thing is

not everyone is going to pay attention to you

as much as you do yourself

Not everyone is going to notice

all the flaws that keep you up all night

all of them

that frightens you

making you think

that you are so far away from enough

Because they all have those

in themselves too

–CH, April 2017